Trying Divorce Mediation? Develop the Right Frame of Mind

Consider Both Persons' Needs

When in court, a divorcing couple is generally each focused on getting the best possible outcome for themselves and their children. Mediation takes a different approach. Its approach isn't 'all or nothing' but rather an effort to meet (or exceed) the minimum needs of each side. You will be better able to compromise in positive ways if you try to see things from the other person's view and genuinely wish them well. 

For instance, if your ex-spouse works away from home throughout the week, you might realize that it would be unacceptable to them to be allowed visits with the children only during the week. Continuing with this option would likely doom your efforts and add conflict. Instead, you can reason on what better options you might offer and how these would make co-parenting more successful for both of you.  

Believe in the Value of Mediation

Mediation is a valuable tool for many and it works in a large variety of situations — even complex cases. It is a time-honored method for sorting through emotionally fraught situations and is managed by well-trained professionals. So, embrace the process even if it takes time and patience. Try to avoid giving up too early or feeling like this can't work in your specific situation. 

Remind yourself why you chose mediation to begin with. What do you want to get out of it? Do you want to avoid the stress of a court case? Do you want to have a calm and simple divorce? Do you want to avoid drama that may affect your children? Do you want to promote an amicable divorce and co-parenting situation?

As you keep in mind all the 'pluses' of this tool, look for ways to see how it is quietly and slowly accomplishing these goals. Think about how achieving these goals will help the next chapter of your life. 

Work With the Mediator

Your mediator is likely an experienced legal professional who know how the best outcomes are found. Work with them rather than against them. Some people find it hard to be honest and open with the mediator, for instance. But this may limit their ability to help you find the best solutions. Let your mediator know what weighs on your mind, what your true needs and priorities are, and how you feel about this process.

If the mediator offers new ideas or out-of-the-box suggestions, take these seriously. Digest new options with an open mind, taking your time if necessary. Remember that the mediator has done this before and know what works for many couples. On the other hand, don't expect the mediator to do all of the work. The mediator is ready to guide and facilitate, but never forget that you have the power to make things work.

Mediation can be a softer and less dramatic divorce option, but it has great power. Instead of relying on a judge or lawyers to decide the outcome, you are crafting it yourself. You are creating your own agreement and charting your own unique path to a positive post-divorce life.

At  Budget Divorce Center , we understand this. Our professional mediation team can help you approach mediation in a positive way and earn positive results. Call today to make an appointment.