The Amicable Divorce: 5 Tips for Keeping Things Friendly
Jun 28, 2019
A divorce doesn't mean that you need to hate your ex-spouse. While any divorce can involve some animosity, many people find that they simply aren't well-suited to a relationship with each other — and sometimes, that's no one's fault. An amicable divorce is far less costly than a contested divorce, as well as faster. Here are a few tips for keeping it friendly.
1. Consider Going through Counseling (Especially If You Have Kids)
Counseling isn't just for prolonging a relationship: it can also be for healthily exiting out of one, as well. If you're going to be co-parenting with your soon-to-be-ex, you'll need to maintain your communication skills. Going through couples counseling will help you learn more about what happened during your relationship, the breakdown, and what both of you can do to improve.
This won't just help you with an amicable divorce. It will also help you rediscover yourself and create healthier future relationships.
2. Get a Legal Adviser Early On
Many people make the mistake of deciding upon an amicable divorce as a way to avoid lawyers. If you have significant assets, children, or even pets, that's a mistake. There are complex legal issues to navigate, such as the distribution of assets gained during the marriage, and the custody of children and pets.
If you don't have legal advisers, this can turn into a morass of confusion and arguing. Legal advisers will be able to outline what each of you is fairly due, and help you in making critical decisions regarding your separation. Remember: both you and your spouse should have separate advisers, as well.
3. Think Before You Communicate
Divorce is often an emotional powder keg. Since you're going through many changes, you may feel the need to blow up on each other — even if your issue isn't really with each other. But you need to remember that all your communications could have an impact on your divorce, and words said in haste could have dire consequences.
Before you communicate, initiate a cooling off period. Take an hour to think about every email, text, voicemail, or call. This is again especially important if custody is an issue, because custody tends to make divorces more complex.
4. Draw Clear Boundaries
Keeping things friendly can also go the other way: sometimes it can make the divorce feel as though it isn't final, or that there's still some hope for reconciliation. Make sure that you don't fall into old habits, such as eating meals together, or going out together, because this can lengthen and confuse the process of divorce.
Many aspects of the divorce have a "timer" on them, where certain meetings, agreements, and documents need to be completed by a certain time, or the clock is reset and the divorce process has to begin again. You don't want to go through these timers. If you find yourself malingering on your divorce, it may be time to have an honest discussion.
5. Get the Finances Straight
Temporarily, you may need to come to a financial agreement so that both of you are able to continue with your lives unhindered. Your lawyers can help you draft up emergency agreements to make sure that both of you have what you need. Separating a single household into two is never easy, but divorce attorneys are skilled at determining the best possible way to do so.
Cash is one of the major reasons for a divorce, so it stands to reason that it can also be one of the most frustrating aspects of a divorce. If one party doesn't presently have enough money to live on, they are more likely to be resentful and bitter during the process.
It's important to note that a friendly divorce isn't always a healthy divorce, especially if you don't have legal help. Being too friendly can mean that you get taken advantage of, especially if you're the only one who wants to keep the peace. That's why it's important to get representation. Contact Diane Dramko, Attorney at Law to schedule a consultation today
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